There are many things in this world that i have been thinking that wrong like the idea of god. I never thought that god really exist, but now, i want to test whether there is god or not in this world... If God is over there watching at me now... please come into my soul and heal all the sorrow that i'm having thesedays since i can't use my strength to help myself anymore... let's say that i'm really believe in you... i'll give myself for 1 month to let god be in my soul and if finally i see nothing change... if i see nothing change in myself meaning that there is no God in this world and if i really change... i believe in God....
This commitment is started from today, march 25 2010...
i will start reading the bible for one month... everyday... at least one page...
ok, i'm going to raingsey room now...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A man with nothing in hand
It's been 6 years already that i have spend my life as a university student, but what i'm having now is nothing--nothing at all.
I always lie to myself that i'm having a lot of things like family, this stuffs and that stuffs. These are the things that i told myself that i posses everyday, but these things will turn to be a great weapon that will kill me at the end of the day because family are going to scold me for every mistake that i have made during high school life, those stuffs will turn away from me because the truth is that i have nothing to hold in my hand at all. i always say that i will be able to do this or to do that when i graduate, but the truth is i'm not going to be able to do anything. i'm incompetent, i dare not making a call to digi to get me back my puk code. It's the truth now and i can't say that i'm doing a lot proud thing such as playing guitar, playing game, take good care of my girlfriend, call my parent and told them that i'm doing very fine. It's all a lie, i'm never fine, i never feel peaceful in my mind, i always feel like a piece of shit because i don't have the ability to deal with anything in life.
The things that i'm telling myself that i don't have is what? it's all about knowledge... you can have good friends now, you can play guitar very well now, you can make other people happy now, but you won't be able to make your own life happy since you're busy doing these stuff mentioned above... stop thinking about helping other happy, stop accompanying other to make them happy until you make yourself happy first because only yourself is the only thing that matter in life. Everyone is going to leave you once it's time for them to leave. And imagine your life after graduate... you're gonna have nothing, you're gonna have a girlfriend, you're not gonna have a warm family because they keep blaming you for not be able to find a job, you'll be insulted...
This is a story of a man who is having nothing now and who is not going to have anything in the future.
I always lie to myself that i'm having a lot of things like family, this stuffs and that stuffs. These are the things that i told myself that i posses everyday, but these things will turn to be a great weapon that will kill me at the end of the day because family are going to scold me for every mistake that i have made during high school life, those stuffs will turn away from me because the truth is that i have nothing to hold in my hand at all. i always say that i will be able to do this or to do that when i graduate, but the truth is i'm not going to be able to do anything. i'm incompetent, i dare not making a call to digi to get me back my puk code. It's the truth now and i can't say that i'm doing a lot proud thing such as playing guitar, playing game, take good care of my girlfriend, call my parent and told them that i'm doing very fine. It's all a lie, i'm never fine, i never feel peaceful in my mind, i always feel like a piece of shit because i don't have the ability to deal with anything in life.
The things that i'm telling myself that i don't have is what? it's all about knowledge... you can have good friends now, you can play guitar very well now, you can make other people happy now, but you won't be able to make your own life happy since you're busy doing these stuff mentioned above... stop thinking about helping other happy, stop accompanying other to make them happy until you make yourself happy first because only yourself is the only thing that matter in life. Everyone is going to leave you once it's time for them to leave. And imagine your life after graduate... you're gonna have nothing, you're gonna have a girlfriend, you're not gonna have a warm family because they keep blaming you for not be able to find a job, you'll be insulted...
This is a story of a man who is having nothing now and who is not going to have anything in the future.
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