I've been not in relationship for a while since April 20th, i guess. The reason why i am not in the relationship anymore is that i asked my girlfriend to broke up with me since i was too worried about my stupid life. However, having girlfriend or not, my life is still the same. I don't think i really need her in my life. And i don't think that i really lover her since the first place since i'm a kind of person who doesn't really care much about what's going on around me. In another word, i'm selfish. I'm really selfish. All the thing, i do today is for my entertainment. i don't really care about other people. I don't care how much others worried about me. I just do what i can and go on with my life. Hopefully, i won't end up living in the hell alone.
Talking about living alone, i'm thinking whether i'm a type of person who want to be alone or a type of person who really needs company. I think i can handle everything alone. Sometimes, going out alone is better than going with my friends. When i go out with my friends, i just don't really do what i want to do, i just do what my friends want to do;eat what they want to eat. That's just not me.
When i go out alone, i like to do what i really want to do like playing game, going watching others skating, seeing beautiful girls. I don't care much about everything around me. As long as, i feel happy, i'm fine. The only problem is that i can't earn my living now. If only i have a degree, a job and a good paid salary, i'm going to enjoy my life so much because i'm going to have a lot of fun with my family like eating out with them, bring them to where they want to go; then the rest of the time, i can spend with my friends without feeling guilty. I believe that as long as i have enough money, i can go out with them because the problem is not with friends; the problems is with money. If i have a lot of money and i'm alone, i'm going to spend my money on karaoke girls, bring them out to eat something with me, have fun with me. i'll do this only if i'm too desperate, but i believe that when i have a lot of money on my own, i will find the right girl to get married with.
Talking about the right girl, i'm just a bit afraid about that. It's really hard for me to find the right girl. Maybe, i will just go to the fortune teller and ask her when is the right time for me to get married and after i know that i should keep myself clean and wait till that day to come. Is it good? yes, because sometimes, the more you want something, the less you will get it. Sometimes, especially love, it just comes when the right time come. The more you want it, the less you get it. How about i tell myself to forget about it and do what is really important to my life right now? What is it that important to my life right now? knowledge? yes, that's right. i think i should tell myself to forget about everything and go on with something which is really stuff.
The real stuff!
The real stuff is something which is really matter to me right now. What is the thing that i really need to do right now? What is the real thing that i need to tell myself to focus on right now? is it girl? is it clubbing? is it masturbation?
The real stuff that i really need to consider right now is the challenge that i'm facing right now like everything that i think is a challenge. I need to pay all attention to what i want from now on. There are many thing that i want, i really want.
I want a beautiful car
i want a beautiful house
i want a beautiful wife who can take care of all my heart problem
i want a rich life style going on holiday every year espeically abroad with the one i love.
i want to be a professional guitarist
i want to be in a great shape
I want to spend my money on the fashion thing like new phone, new clothing style, new watch, new hair style, smooth face.
I want to be cool
i want to be a superstar.
i want to be independent
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